Eskimo Pie

Eskimo Pie (PFAs #303, #340): You tune into Eskimo Pie's website first for the editorials, which often reflect a Dorothy Parker sensibility of the world, and then you look at the calendar page (one of the best for the sacramento/northern california region) as well as featured poets, artists, what not. Credit her with divining the term Monkey Poet, whether she did or not, and enjoy how her love/hate relationship unfolds with them within the pixels of her fastidiously updated site. Here's a taste of her editorial prowess (from May 22):

Eskimo Pie Basketball Trivia Contest Questions: 1. Eskimo Pie played on a basketball team for: a) 7 years; b) 8 years; c) 9 years [and you wonder why Eskimo is competitive]. 2. One year, Eskimo made which percentage of the team's total points for the year? a) Eskimo made 50% of the points for the year; b) Eskimo made 75% of the points for the year; c) Eskimo made 100% of the points for the year. 3. Eskimo's current freethrow shooting percentage is: a) 70%; b) 80%; c) 90%. 4. Eskimo's favorite move that she likes to practice is: a) the Vlade oop (an underhanded free-throw); b) the Vlade flop; c) the C-Webb hook; the Christie big-lipped steal, sprint, spin and in (say 5 times fast); the Pejaswish; or the Peeler punch. Eskimo does not know why the Kings and Arnold didn't show up to hear Bari read, "Howl," at the Crocker. Fortunately, an Eskimo Pie fan gave Eskimo a poster of Vlade and Peja (kiss kiss). Eskimo thinks the poets in this town are divided into two camps: the basketball poets and the baseball poets. See if you can see any patterns: basketball poets: Normington, Pulley, Walton; baseball poets: Breit, Nelson, Viola. If you ever happen to take a beginning speech class, you will be asked to give an impromptu speech on a ridiculous subject such as, "What/which is better? Basketball or baseball? Apples or oranges? Monkey poets or bird poets? Fame or fortune? Rhyme or free verse? Dogs or cats? The Beats or the Meats? Bush or Satan? Oil or peace? Luxury or lives? Henry Miller, speaking of Patchen, said that Patchen's life-long struggle was similar to that of other famous authors: the struggle of the "sensitive against the insensitive." Thus Eskimo doth hold aloft the flame of gentle sensitivity against base, sacrilegious, defamatory monkey poets everywhere.